LEARNING TO LISTEN

I was talking once with a 16-year-old refugee from Bonia, who was having a hard time with the English language. The words THE and A were particularly difficult. As an example, she asked, “Would you say, ‘A girl was raped’, and ‘The girl who was raped.?’” I affirmed that this was the correct usage.

I wish I could have attributed my stupidity to senility, but 30 years ago, that wasn’t an option. Her choice of words implied that “rape” had personal significance for her. I found out later that she had in fact been raped, and was having great difficulty dealing with it.

I should have said something like, “Right. ‘A girl was raped.’ and ‘The girl who was raped very much needed the love and support of her friends and family as she drew on her own inner strength, . . . and wanted to kill the bastard who did this to her.’”

A week or so later, I had a chance to respond to a different situation with at least a smidgen of intelligence. As I was walking into a grocery store, I passed a young girl with a cast on her foot. When our eyes met, I asked, “How long did it take you to get used to that?” She smiled and said something like, “Not long!”

My question implied that it was her competence that was important, not the misfortune.