REVENGE

I am slowly learning how to handle these things called websites. One is called, “Facebook.” Among the postings are various (mostly fictional, I'm sure) stories in which a terribly rude person badly mistreats an innocent (saintly) victim. But at the end of the story, the victim (or defender) turns the tables and utterly humiliates the rude bully.

There is something appealing about stories like these. It is easy to identify with the victim and rejoice at seeing justice done to the bully.

But there is also something about these stories that troubles me. They portray revenge as appropriate. This is in sharp contrast to a major emphasis in the teachings of one who said, “Love your enemies, and pray for those who despitefully use you.”

I think of it in terms of power. If someone abuses me, he/she is exercising power over me, and of course retaliation is a way exercising power against the offender.

But there are many ways to exercise power.

I knew a woman once – a psychologist, no less – who had devised a clever way of dealing with rude clerks (I wonder if there was something about her that elicited rudeness???). She would mumble something to the clerk that sounded something like, “Thank you very much.” but was in reality an obscene insult.

This is quite bizarre to me. Retaliating is simply playing the other person's “game” – the put-down game. I would much rather play my own game. If someone is rude to me, I want to take that as a challenge rather than an offense. What can I say or do that will make things a little easier for this person who is obviously having a hard day? This to me is an excellent way to exercise power! Even if it has no effect on the other person, I will know that I have done something worthwhile and I have played my own game rather than his/hers.

The passion to be “one up,” to make another person lose face, is very strong in our culture. Perhaps it is related to our general competitiveness, or to our political divisiveness, or perhaps to the many things that undermine our sense of security and well-being.

 I've gotten to the place where I simply don't read retaliation stories any more. I don't want to keep exposing my psyche to a world view that is so destructive.